Narcissism in the Workplace

Narcissism Series, Part One: Narcissism in the Workplace

What are we talking about?

In this new series, we will be raising awareness for narcissism and the experience of being in relationship with those who exhibit narcissistic traits. This is not a discussion of those who meet diagnostic criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, but rather, those who exhibit narcissistic traits. While we will not have the space here to talk about solutions or problem-solving, the goal is to increase awareness, to be better able to put language around the experience and hopefully to validate those of you who have experienced or are currently experiencing the harmful effects of narcissism. Let’s get started with an often overlooked space in which narcissism shows up, the workplace.

What does narcissism look like in the narcissistic coworker (NC)?

The NC often:

·       Toxifies the work environment.

·       Undermines teamwork.

·       Erodes trust.

·       Betrays coworkers for personal gain.

·       Gaslights coworkers who attempt to complain to leadership or defend themselves directly.

·       Is competent at their job

·       Is a customer or client favorite

·       Presents two very different facades to their coworkers versus their boss

·       Is cruel

·       Is deceptive

·       Is demoralizing to teammates, humiliating them to elevate themselves

·       Is manipulative

·       Steals ideas and work credit from teammates in order to impress the boss

In order to understand this behavior, the most central theme to the narcissistic mindset is a deeply rooted insecurity that drives them to feel that they “need” to always be the best at everything or they will lose their fragile sense of worth and significance. An NC can go unnoticed and may do little to no harm when placed in an environment where teamwork is not needed, and they are set up to work very independently. However, an NC in a team setting is a setup for toxicity.

What does narcissism look like in the narcissistic boss (NB)?

The NB often:

·       Will not apologize or own mistakes (unless the apology helps them to leverage something that they want or avoid consequences such as termination)

·       Looks like the perfect boss to customers, clients, or other departments in a large organization

·       Is charming and able to lead people to believe they have their best interest at heart, while scheming for personal gain

·       Chooses favorites based on who can help them to look good or attain what they want (i.e., promotion or kudos from leadership and the community)

·       Chooses certain employees to pick on or nitpick

·       Creates triangles and drama within the team, pitting one employee against another

·       Employs the “carrot dangling” technique, whereby they make empty promises (i.e., promising promotion for doing some of the boss’s job but never delivering)

·       Manipulating those they lead

·       Deceiving those they lead

·       Intimidating those they lead by reacting poorly to healthy confrontation (i.e., veiled threats of job loss, changes in schedule, etc)

·       Loves chaos, unnecessary changes, and frequently deploys tactics to destabilize the work environment as a means of control

·       Is unpredictable, moody, and unstable

·       Projects blame for employee turnover to things like “poor work ethic” or “lack of loyalty”

·       Attempts to oversee and control leadership surveys that are meant to be anonymous and safe

·       Will flip drastically from “favoriting” a certain employee to discarding them or placing them in the position of the one being picked on, without cause or explanation

·       Creates cognitive dissonance in those they lead by doing nice things such as buying lunch for the team or giving gifts, then reverting back to the behaviors listed above

As toxic and damaging as the NC is, the only more harmful dynamic in the workplace is the narcissistic boss (NB). The NB, being driven by the same deep-rooted insecurity and tight grip on the ever-elusive sense of worth and significance, leverages their position of power over others to attain and hold on to a sense of worth and significance. The NB is driven by a sense of terror that they might be seen as human, fallible, and anything less than irreplaceable.

Whether you have experienced the NC or the NB, I want to tell you that, although you may have tried to tell yourself things like, “It’s not that a big a deal-it’s just a job,” it absolutely is a big deal. The average person spends half of their waking hours at work. When someone who holds the power of your paycheck misuses or abuses that power, the effects are tremendous and widespread across your life. You are worthy of consistent, safe, and honest interactions at work, and if you are not experiencing safety at work, it is my hope that this article helped you to recognize that, begin to think of a new path for yourself, and understand that it is not your fault.

(Originally published in the May 2025 edition of Monroe Matters, a local magazine publication in Forsyth, GA)

Lisa Elliott Schumacher, LPC

Life By Design Counseling

Lisa is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), a Monroe County resident, and a mental health practitioner located in Bolingbroke who is passionate about helping others find healing, live fully, and to live holistically healthy lives, body, soul, and spirit. She believes life is meant to be lived by design, not by chance, and she aspires to help others live by design, wholly, fully, and vibrant. The sharing of these thoughts is in no way therapy or a substitute for therapy. If you are in crisis right now...Call or Text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. If you are having a medical emergency, a safety emergency requiring law enforcement, EMS, or experiencing a fire emergency:   DIAL 911.