Grief and Glory at the Holidays

As the holiday season unfolds, we’re surrounded by symbols of joy—twinkling lights, perfect family portraits, festive gatherings, and a heightened expectation that happiness should magically appear simply because it’s December. For some, this season truly is the highlight of the year; the Christmas tree may go up early because the anticipation brings comfort. For others, the extra responsibilities and emotional weight make the holidays feel overwhelming.

But for many, the holidays are especially difficult because they illuminate what—and who—is missing. Grief can arise from the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, financial strain, physical distance from family, a major life transition, or any loss that feels sharper against the backdrop of celebration.

This year, I invite you to take an “all or something” approach rather than “all or nothing.” What if grief and glory were allowed to sit at the same table? Here are four ways to embrace both.

1)    Don’t Fake It Till You Make It

When we’re grieving, it’s tempting to hide our pain so we don’t “ruin” the mood or expose our vulnerability. That can lead to skipping holiday gatherings—or attending with the best forced smile we can manage. Neither choice is wrong, and sometimes they’re necessary. But consider a third option.

If a full-length event feels too heavy, try arriving late or leaving early. You might also gently suggest modifying traditions that intensify the loss. For example, if your mother always cooked Christmas dinner and she passed away this year, replicating her menu may feel unbearable. Instead, propose going out to eat, having the meal catered, or choosing something entirely different—BBQ, seafood, anything that makes space for gathering without overwhelming.

This is grief and glory sharing the same table.

2)     ASK FOR HELP: Grief takes a toll on the nervous system. Lightening other loads can create the emotional capacity needed to hold the hard parts. If you’re hosting, ask relatives to stay in a hotel to give you breathing room. Request help with cleaning, meal prep, or planning traditions.

If you’re normally the one who says the blessing or leads the family game night, ask someone else to take the lead this year. Support doesn’t diminish your presence; it strengthens it.

All or something—grief and glory.

3)     TAKE BREAKS: The holidays often stir a blend of nostalgia, joy, and deep ache. That emotional mixture can be disorienting and exhausting. Give yourself permission to step away when needed.

Take a few minutes in the bathroom to breathe, cry, pray, or reset with a mindfulness exercise. Step outside, take a short walk, pet the family dog, or sip cold water. If things become too overwhelming, honor your limits and leave early. Arrange a plan with whoever you arrive with, or take separate transportation so you can leave on your own terms.

All or something—grief and glory.

4)     WRITE AND REMEMBER: There is healing in writing. Consider writing a letter to the person you miss, naming what you loved about them, and allowing yourself to feel whatever comes—tears or laughter. You can also honor their memory by baking their favorite treat, lighting a candle, or watching their favorite Christmas movie.

Both joy and sorrow have a place here.

Every season of life contains both grief and glory. If we wait for the season of all glory, we will be holding our breath, forever waiting to live. If we believe that a season is all grief, we miss the little joys along the path. Though they may be hard to see and laughter may come with tears, they are there if we look for them. I want to say one last thing to you about this grief topic that I feel is very important. Grief is not always caused by physical death. Sometimes grief is caused by other forms of loss such as loss of a limb, loss of good health, divorce or separation, job loss, loss of identity, or even estrangement from a child or parent. Loss produces grief. Give yourself permission to grieve, and also welcome glory to sit alongside. Know that you are not alone, that the Christmas movies do not tell the truth. Almost everyone feels the loss of someone or something at the holidays. Let’s all work together to love and support one another, and let us embrace all or something, grief and glory. May this Christmas be a beautiful time of connection for you, and may you find healing in your grief and in the glory of the season of hope in the midst of it all.

(Originally published in the December 2025 edition of Monroe Matters)

Life By Design Counseling specializes in narcissistic abuse recovery, helping survivors heal from emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and toxic relationship patterns. Led by experienced psychotherapist Lisa Elliott Schumacher, the practice offers compassionate, personalized therapy to support healing, self-trust, and growth. Clients receive specialized support for narcissistic and emotional abuse, relationship trauma, workplace trauma and stress, anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, and spiritual struggles. Life By Design Counseling provides a safe, supportive space to break free from harmful cycles, rebuild healthy boundaries, and move forward with confidence.

Please note: the reflections shared here are not therapy and should not replace professional help. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. For medical, safety, or fire emergencies, dial 911 immediately.