Are You Stuck? Part Three: RELEASE

Image credit to Jasmine Stark, Editor of Monroe Matters

Welcome back to part three in this series on being “stuck” and the journey to getting “unstuck.” To recap, during part one of the series, we took 30 days to practice taking just 5 minutes each morning to REST, to check in with ourselves, to breathe deeply, and to take a thought inventory to better understand what we are carrying around with us that has us stuck. In part two, we talked about the second step in getting unstuck, and that was to RUN (towards what scares us), as fears are often at the root of “stuckness.” If you have been on this journey with us, you have probably already discovered so much about yourself, your mindsets, and your burdens, that you are hopefully now intrigued by the process, hopeful for change, and ready to go further. If you are new to the series, then welcome, and it is not too late to join in from here!

The word for January that we will explore together will be RELEASE. We will need to release in three major areas: thought patterns, the need to control outcomes, and mental contracts that no longer serve us. Now that we have explored resting to become aware of what thought patterns and mindsets we are engaged in, and we learned to run towards what scares us, it is time to learn to RELEASE some of those old thought patterns. As you move in courage towards your fears, let’s take this time to take a new type of thought inventory during our rest times. What fears are underlying the things, people, or experiences you have been running from? For anyone who has not been following along, this is a simple five-minute quiet pause, preferably in the morning if you can, where you take some deep breaths and notice the thoughts that are running through your mind. Write them down and notice the themes or patterns. What are you worrying about? What is occupying space in your mind? What thought patterns or mindsets would you like to reset in order to move forward? What mindsets do you need to release in order to make room for new ones? Can you imagine any new and different ways of seeing things? I like to practice the “what if” exercise for this. For example, if I notice that I am always worrying, “What if the worst outcome happens,” I can add to that, “But what if the best outcome happens?”. Give at least equal play time to the positive “what ifs” as you give to the negative. You will be amazed at the impact it has on your mental health.

Since we have been practicing this new habit of resting and taking note of our thoughts, and we have been running towards what scares us, we can be a little more dialed in the underlying fears. This is where the need for control shows up. For example, if you have been avoiding a tough conversation, what are you afraid will happen when you have that conversation? If your answer is something like, “I think it will end up in a big argument,” don’t stop there. Ask yourself, “And then what?”. If there is a big argument, what am I afraid will be the result of that argument? Loss of relationship? Loss of respect? Loss of peace? In every fear or place of being stuck, generally we are stuck between what we already possess (like the tension of unresolved conflict) and what we long for, hope for, or wish would be (peace, reconciliation, or understanding). Often times, we need to RELEASE the need to control the outcomes in our situations. Once we can let go of the need to control the outcome, we can move forward into that uncomfortable place and RELEASE the need to control the outcome or to know the outcome in advance.

The third place of release, the releasing old mindsets is where the most obvious growth begins to happen. After we have begun to let go of old thought patterns and release the need to control outcomes, we have now made space for a new set of thought patterns. I like to think about this step in terms of a lease on a property. When the terms of the lease have expired, the time has come to RE-LEASE the property. At each ending of a lease, the question is raised, ‘Does the current tenant want to renew or move on?”. Also, the question is raised, “Does the property owner want to continue to lease to the current tenants?” Let’s think of ourselves as the landlords of our thoughts! Now that you have discovered some thought patterns that have run their course and no longer add value to where you are headed, it is time to RE-LEASE that space in your mind to some new tenants! So, for example instead of feeling stuck in the tension of unspoken words, how about a new lease with healthy confrontation and facing whatever the outcome will be, not trying to control it, and crafting a new lease with the thought that healthy conflict, honest conversations, and even endings to relationships are more beneficial to where you are headed than the unspoken tensions?

Remember, the point of all of this is to get UNSTUCK.  We cannot drag old thought patterns, the need to control outcomes, and old mental contracts with us if we are to move forward. Imagine a person living in a house where the lease has expired. In the real estate world, this would eventually lead to eviction. Whether the tenants are evicted or they simply choose not to renew their lease in favor of finding a new place, our movement in life is the same. We must end something to begin something. And remember, We are the landlords of our lives! While we tend to think that our “stuckness” has to do with the inability to move forward, it is often times the result of failing to end something, remove something, replace something or RE-LEASE something. As we practice this together in January, let’s all remember to rest and take our thought inventory, run towards what scares us, and release the things that will no longer serve us for where we are going. We may even have to grieve some old patterns that we leave behind. However, the pain of the grief is well worth what waits for us on the other side! Over the next month, let’s walk together looking for those things that need to be released, and let’s get a little bit closer to getting unstuck! I want to be the first to personally tell you, you can do this! You can RE-LEASE, and you can get UNSTUCK! 

(Originally published in the January 2025 edition of the Monroe Matters, a local newspaper publication in Forsyth, Georgia)

Lisa Elliott Schumacher, LPC

Life By Design Counseling

Lisa is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), a Monroe County resident, and a mental health practitioner who is passionate about helping others find their purpose, live fully, and to live holistically healthy lives, body, soul, and spirit. She believes life is meant to be lived by design, not by chance, and she aspires to help others live by design, wholly, fully, and vibrant. The sharing of these thoughts is in no way therapy or a substitute for therapy. If you are in crisis right now...Call or Text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org. If you are having a medical emergency, a safety emergency requiring law enforcement, EMS, or experiencing a fire emergency:   DIAL 911.